Severus' last moments
by MissAllieMae
Summary: As Severus is about to die, which side is he truely on? What were his last thoughts? Snape POV. One shot, written for A Sirius Crush on Moony's I'm About to Die contest.


A/N: This is written for A Sirius Crush on Moony's "I'm about to die" contest, in which I got Severus Snape.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

***********Most of the dialogue in this story between Snape and Voldemort, and all of the dialogue between Snape and Harry are taken directly from DH.

"Thank god I'm a wizard," I think, after escaping Minerva by jumping out of a window. I cast a spell that allowed me to float to the ground. I take off running before anyone can spot me. I hope to get away, before having to choose a true allegiance. Lately, I had been trying to decide which side I truly belonged to, because I knew the time would come near when I need to choose. Voldemort or Dumbledore? Being a Death Eater protects me, but Voldemort betrayed me on that fateful Halloween night. I had asked for Lily's protection, but now the love of my life is dead, and I have to deal with her prat of a son, Harry Potter. If Voldemort wins, I would continue to be Headmaster, instead of the lowly Potions Master Dumbledore restricted me to. But, if I go to the Death Eater's side, and the order wins, I will be thrown into Azkaban for life, and probably be given the Dementor's kiss. Dumbledore wasn't here anymore (thanks to me, I remember grimly) to protect me. For the last few weeks, I have been going over the pros and cons of both sides, but to no avail. For this exact reason, I am running like the coward I am, deep deep down inside.

Turning around, I spotted Lucius Malfoy coming towards me, so I changed my direction, and slowed to a cool confident walk. About a hundred feet from the Forbidden Forest, he caught up to me.

"Where are you going?" Malfoy asked. He looked like he was about to win a prize. Maybe he thought I was running away and was glad to have caught me.

"Where you are supposed to be," I said rolling my eyes. "It just took me longer because I couldn't leave as soon as my dark mark glowed, being Headmaster and all. The Dark Lord will understand."

"Oh, well the Dark Lord wants you in the Shrieking Shack. I was to find you and tell you that." Then, as an after thought, he added, "You DO know how to get to the Shrieking Shack, right?"

I rolled my eyes. "How stupid do you I am?"

"Whatever. Just get there, before he gets mad at both of us. I don't know about you, but I plan to live through this."

I don't reply, but start to walk away from him. As I near the Whomping Willow, I realize that my decision was made. I am a Death Eater, whether I want to be one or not. I am a little scared, but I am aware that the Dark Lord would never kill me, being that I am in the inner circle. However true this is, I have absolutely no idea why he wants to see me. I sigh and enter the Whomping Willow.

When I enter the room, I see him sitting behind a table, fingering a wand. It had an uncanny resemblance to Dumbledore's wand. I saw that the Dark Lord was keeping Nagini with him, in a cage of sorts, as she floated nearby.

"Severus." He starts the conversation in his cold, harsh voice.

"You wished to see me, Sir," I say, praying that my voice won't betray how terrified I am right now.

"Yes, I have a matter to discuss with you," He responds, calmly. I vaguely wonder if he remembers that everything he has worked so hard for is at risk.

"My Lord, not to be disrespectful, but shouldn't we be outside, fighting?" I ask in reply. By fighting I really meant running, but He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named doesn't have to know that.

"That doesn't matter right now. We have a much more pressing matter to attend to, at the moment," He replies. He raises his wand arm a little, pointing it slightly at me.

"Are you sure?" I really am not happy with my position right now, and would do anything to get out of this room.

"Yes, now stop your whining," He starts to get angry. Oh no, I am thinking. Behind me, I think I detect movement, but deciding that I didn't need to get into any more trouble, I keep quiet.

"But, my Lord, their resistance is crumbling-" I plead, but he cuts me off.

"-And it is doing so without your help. Skilled wizard though you are, Severus," He says smirking, "I do not think you will make much difference now. We are almost there…almost."

I am getting desperate, as he fingers the wand in my direction. "Let me find the boy. Let me bring you Potter. I know I can find him, my Lord. Please." I begin to pace a little, in my nervousness. I hope my 'Master' thinks it is in confidence and thought.

He stands up, his red eyes looking murderous. Softly, almost as though scared, he says to me "I have a problem, Severus."

I am surprised that he would admit this, especially to me; a half hearted Death Eater who is a double agent for both the order and the Dark Lord. Because I can't think of anything else to say and I am aware that he is expecting a response, I manage, "My Lord?"

Raising his wand hand, but not necessarily pointing it at me, he asks, "Why doesn't it work for me, Severus?"

How am I supposed to know? I'm not a wand maker. I try to figure out two things: 1) what am I supposed to say to that, and 2) why is he showing his weaknesses like this. Behind me, Nagini hisses and the Dark Lord sighs.

I am thoroughly confused, but respond anyway, stuttering. "My-my Lord? I do not understand. You-you have performed extraordinary magic with that wand."

He replies, sounding somewhat frustrated, "No. I have performed my usual magic." It was in this sentence when I realized that the wand was indeed Dumbledore's, the Elder Wand. He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named must have broken into the coffin and stole the wand.

He continues, "I am extraordinary, but this wand…no. It has not revealed the wonders it has promised. I feel no difference between this wand and the one I procured from Ollivander all those years ago." He sounds calm, but it was easy to tell he was becoming angry, but I hope the anger isn't at me.

"No difference," he repeats, as though trying to make it change.

I can't speak, for fear of saying the wrong thing. I know I had to come up with something, but stall, as he walks around the room a bit. Before I could come up with a reassuring statement, he continues.

"I have thought long and hard, Severus…Do you know why I have called you back from the battle?"

I couldn't help locking my eyes on Nagini, as the Dark Lord gets more annoyed and angered. I am afraid he might release the snake on me. "No, my Lord, but I beg you will let me return. Let me find Potter."

I don't even think about what the consequences would be when I couldn't find him, and when it was discovered that I never even tried.

"You sound like Lucius. Neither of you understands Potter as I do." I highly doubt this, as he had not spent the last 6 years dealing with him. I however did. I decide that if I value my life, then I should not say anything. Instead, I let him continue.

"He does not need finding. Potter will come to me. I know his weakness, you see, his one great flaw. He will hate watching the others struck down around him, knowing that it is for him that it happens. He will want to stop it at any cost. He will come."

I had never really thought about this, and it is true. However, there was a lot of chaos outside. I reply, voicing my concern, "But my Lord, he might be killed accidentally by one other than yourself-"

He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named cuts me off, again, saying "My instructions to my Death Eaters have been perfectly clear, Capture Potter. Kill his friends-the more, the better-but do not kill him." This logic is exactly why Death Eaters need to be stopped, but at the same time I can't help but agree with him. What I wouldn't do to kill those Gryffindors? Before I can give this thought much more, the Death Eater continues to speak.

"But it is of you that I wished to speak, Severus, not Harry Potter. You have been very valuable to me. Very valuable."

I laugh to myself. If he only knew….but of course, I can't blow my cover. So, instead of saying my true thoughts, I continue the lie I've been living for years. "My Lord knows I seek only to serve him. But-let me go and find the boy, my Lord. Let me bring him to you. I know I can-"

Once again, I am being cut off by 'my Lord.' "I have told you, no!" He yells at me, as his fury finally breaks out. He turns, loudly swishing his cloak, to face me, with a furious look on his face. I am really scared now. He continues, saying, "My concern at the moment, Severus, is what will happen when I finally meet the boy!"

Now, he has confused me. "My Lord, there can be no question, surely-?" I cannot even finish this sentence.

He stops his constant pacing, and stares straight at me, his red eyes gleaming. I am terrified at what may happen in this room.

"-But there is a question, Severus. There is."

I am surprised to see him admit this. He has never appeared anything less than calm, cool and confident. Luckily, I didn't have to say anything, because he continued.

"Why did both the wands I have used fail when directed at Harry Potter?" He is referring to his 13 and a half inch wand of yew with a phoenix core, and the wand he took from Lucius: eighteen inches of elm wood, with a dragon heartstring core.

I cannot possibly answer this, as I don't know a thing about wands. "I-I cannot answer that, my Lord."

"Can't you," He sneers back.

"My wand of yew did everything of which I asked it, Severus, except to kill Harry Potter. Twice it failed. Ollivander told me under torture of the twin core, told me to take another's wand. I did so, but Lucius's wand shattered upon meeting Potter's."

No matter how hard I rack my brain, I can't come up with anything. "I-I have no explanation, my Lord." I can barely get the words out for fear and nervousness. I can't even look at him. I am focused totally on the snake.

"I sought a third wand, Severus. The Elder Wand, the Wand of Destiny, the Deathstick. I took it from its previous master. I took it from the grave of Albus Dumbledore."

The amount of disrespect he shows for the genius surprises me so much that I stop staring at Nagini to stare at the Dark Lord. I am shocked and absolutely rendered speechless. My eyes are surely blank. I manage to stutter out a half sentence "My Lord-let me go to the boy-"

"All this long night, when I am on the brink of victory, I have sat here," he begins to explain, instead of even acknowledging my weak attempt at escape. "wondering, wondering, why the Elder Wand refuses to be what it ought to be, refuses to perform as legend says it must perform for its rightful owner…and I think I have the answer."

Despite my attempts, I cannot answer. He continues.

"Perhaps you already know it? You are a clever man, after all, Severus. You have been a good and faithful servant, and I regret what must happen."

Compliments? This isn't like the Dark Lord. Wait, what was that last piece? 'I regret what must happen.' "My Lord-" I begin to formulate a question.

"The Elder Wand cannot serve me properly, Severus, because I am not its true master. The Elder Wand belongs to the wizard ho killed its last owner." I freeze, as I begin to see where this is going. He continues, "You killed Albus Dumbledore. While you live, the Elder Wand cannot be truly mine."

I cannot believe that because I killed Dumbledore, I would die. "My Lord!" I protest, and find myself actually pointing my wand at He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.

"It cannot be any other ways," he replies. "I must master the wand, Severus. Master the wand and I master Potter at last."

The funny thing is that if it was Malfoy, he would kill himself if that was what the Dark Lord wanted. The fact that I wouldn't die for "My Master" in an instance shows that I wasn't a true Death Eater. While I work on understanding what was just said, the Dark Lord slashes his wand in the air. This confuses me, but maybe he is having last-second doubts. This is a reliving thought. But, it doesn't last long, as his true intentions become clear. I scream as Nagini falls from the air, and the Dark Lord hisses, in what I assume to be parseltongue. I can make a pretty accurate guess that he just told Nagini to kill me.

Nagini begins to pierce my neck with its deadly fangs, and He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named utters three words, in a cold, harsh voice: "I regret it."

He turns, clearly not feeling any sadness regarding my impending death. As he leaves, he takes Nagini with him, leaving me to die alone, with blood gushing from my wound. I am about to die, alone, just as I have lived. I am trembling. I attempt to stop some of the blood flow. The sight of my own blood was sickening. I saw a person approach me. It is Harry, Harry Potter; Lily Evan, the girl I spent my whole life pining for, was his mother. It was somewhat ironic that he would be my last sight. With this thought, I have a sudden idea, and act upon it. I pull Harry close, as I know I won't be able to really speak, especially judging by the gurgling noise that just escaped from my throat.

I whisper, "Take…it….take….it…," and release a memory. I hope Harry figures out what it is, and he catches it. Hermione hands him a flask to get it. The stream of memories I just handed him were a collection of memories with Lily and I. Giving him the memory drained my strength. But the last thing I wanted to see were Harry's eyes; the same eyes Lily had.

With the last of my strength, I whispered, "Look…at…me."

I smile, and leave this Earth to join Lily Evans, my one and only true love.


End file.
